I want to address something that I am seeing more and more.
Mean, unsupportive, spiteful military wives.
If you are part of ANY public forums or facebook support pages, you have probably witnessed this too. I have to say that the more and more that I see it, the more disappointed that I get.
Yesterday I was perusing the Military Wife support pages that I am part of and was just appalled at some of the words that ladies exchanged!
One younger Army wife was feeling down about the amount of time that her husband was working, in fact she felt as if she was the most insignificant, unimportant thing in the world. To her, another army wife responded:
"put your big girl panties on and suck it up. Go complain to the mirror because that's the only person that's going to feel sorry for you or listen to your whining..."
Now, there is a total difference between tough love that makes you stronger, and just being downright MEAN. This girl was obviously a younger wife and was having a hard time with feeling lonely. While this may be something that the young wife needs to get used to, there are MANY other ways to approach her. She obviously needed some words of encouragement and the other ladies were just so hurtful that I almost felt ashamed that I had anything in common with them.
Another instance, was when a wife had mentioned that she was feeling insecure while her husband was deployed and had looked through his facebook messages. She did not find anything that would make her question his fidelity but the insecure feeling was getting the best of her. To this, some wives had some judgement to pass her way:
"If you are so insecure that you have to deduce yourself to snooping through his messages, then you absolutely have no business being married to him at all. Your marriage is a mistake and you should feel ashamed at yourself for being so pathetic..."
Are you KIDDING ME? While snooping is never ok, we all have our insecure moments when our spouses are away. Insecurity leads us to do things that we wouldn't normally do otherwise, and I think we can all relate to that. For this wife to tell another wife that her marriage is a mistake is probably one of the most petty, and downright RUDE and most insensitive thing a woman can say to another.
I personally just can't believe how unsupportive and b**chy some military wives can be toward another. You would THINK that in the nature of our lifestyle and the hardships we all go through that we could all be a little more understanding and a little more encouraging when one among us is having a hard time.
Before you extend your advice to another wife, try to first think about what message you want to get across. There is a huge difference between constructive criticism, tough love, and just simply being mean. If you dont have anything nice to say or can't put it in a way that will not hurt the other persons feelings, then don't say anything at all.